Friday, September 28, 2007

Talk to me

Talk to me
dont make me wait
Im not like you
I wont complicate
it wont calcuate
to mean
anything
more
or
less
If you hesitate
time wont hold its breath
waiting for you
waiting for me
Im waiting for you now
to talk to me

doubt

Tell me something
what do you want from me
Go ahead
Try to figure me out
and weigh
all the endless possibilities
and if there's a doubt
in your mind
get it out
and you will find
that its so much easier
to blind

No more meds for me

I guess I'm trying - but really I'm exhausted...
It seems like it is taking so much energy to do everything
everything right now requires so much thought
If this is what it means to be a "grown-up"
Then I want to be a toys-r-us kid

No really, I'm searching for a vacation spot as we speak
I need to really unwind ...

I wanted to go to Miami this Thanksgiving -but I cant or I wont and I couldn't anyhow...
I not very excited about spending the holiday's with my family this year
I'm really not excited about the holidays in general
Just another opportunity to spend money - I guess

No, I really shouldn't think like this
I shouldn't have this attitude
But I'm so under-motivated for adventure

Tomorrow, I'm thinking about what I need to do or what I want to do
and with the way things are going with the business - I will probably be in the office
Like now -
I'm in the office at 8:30pm at night
I guess it would have been perfect working as a Merchant Banker for FBR
I surely don't mind putting in the late hours

I have settled the dilemma with my hair
and for now, I'm considering my occasional coffee fast for the month of October
(Coffee fast - no coffee for 30 days)
God, help me - I feel like its going to be difficult

And after splurging on chocolate chip cookies (3 a days) for the past 2 weeks - I'm officially over my craving & thank God for that because I don't think my skin could take much more...
Actually, its not doing that bad (my skin that is)
I have decided to fire my dermatologist and the prescriptions she gave me recently - wont be thrown in the trash - however, they wont be filled
I haven't even used or taken the many samples she provided me with
I was so upset, so depressed and so discouraged with my dermatologist last week - should could really tell - because she started speaking to me in a soft voice as if - I know Ive disappointed you - but Ive given you all the drugs I know to give and if these don't help then yes - I am a bad doctor...
blah.... blah... blah....

No more meds for me
well at least for now

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

U wanna know whats going on in my personal life...?
Not a dang thing
Im so boring right now - Im reviewing my AARP benefits for the next year

I take naps and go to bed around 10pm.
Aint nothing going on

You want suspense?
You want drama?
You want trama?

Next time you ask me that question and presume Im keeping information from you - Im just going to make something up.

Would that be better?
I really dont want to complain , but Im dealing with people who dont understand me when I speak.
I think I mentioned today (and it came out so poetically).
I say words that dont create sentences... (dont worry I aint talking about you)
Im just really edgy right now
and I while people are getting on my nerves Im trying to look at them the way Astrin used to - slightly poutting, slightly annoyed, very confused and very focused at the same time.
Problem is that - I dont think she was really hearing what those people had to say

There you go - I guess I do miss ya Astrin!

Back to my complaining...
I seem to be dealing with a lot of people's..... there is no other word to input her but
SHIT
okay - I said it Ive been dealing with other people's shit and Im tired of their asses
Just so you know - I am planning my blonde secretary's demise as we speak
I hope - she'll be out of her before the next highlight sets in...
I am currently in a mood where I have no other choice but to direct my frustration at her stupidness and she makes it very easy.
She talks on the phone most of the time she is at work & I really dont have a problem with that while she is filing. I mean you CAN file and talk on the phone.
But when you half-ass every other task that is given you and I start to feel like I should be doing it myself -
Then I start to think
Why dont I do this myself?
Maybe I should pay myself an extra $15 an hour to do what I obviously pay her NOT to do
Then I would be really happy.
I hope to find a male replacement to balance some of the horomozones in the office.

I myself have a serious problem with giving a "smart" response (especially when Im feeling edgy). The only person who has really dealt with my smart mouth is my sister Joy. At the age of 16 - she popped me in the mouth - I couldnt believe it. However, there is a first and last time for everything. She expirenced both at the same time.

I really dont want to be in the office
I wish someone could plan me a get away

The Blonde secretary

The blonde secretary - oops I mean administrative assistant.

And when I say blonde - I don't really mean the blue-eyed devil with long flowing hair or the Babs look alike.

I'm talking about the dumb as a door knob type of blonde

Today and recently my assistant... That I shall not call her name in vain - blew the hell out of me.
For those of you living outside of the DC Metropolitan area needing some translation. "To Blow" some one come from the notion of being blow away by a strong force or wind and or to be taken by surprise.

Anyhow back to my story

One Dumb question after the next
I mean I wanted to lay her out on the postage meter, stamp her and send her back to Blondie-ville

Yes I wanted to return this solicited product
And Please take me off of your mailing list

Just the dumbest questions like why is the sky blue seem to need my immediate attention today.
I'm trying to think
is this pay-back from being a bad assistant -
NOPE, I didnt ask dumb questions
Just a case of coming from a micro-managed environment. Needing to be validated and understand every task, note and/or procedure.

Anyhow - I just hope Blondie finds her way back to my favorite comic

Saturday, September 22, 2007

A Day of Rest

I took a nap today
How awesome is that
Funny thing is that Im still tired

I woke up early today around 8am. Wasnt really ready for the world until about noon. Left out only to realize that I was in a shopping mood. This feeling has been coming upon me a lot lately. But, I decided to resist it
Im actually in the market for clothes and not just because its fall - but because I really dont have much to wear since the fire.

Day by Day, I reflect back and miss certain things about my apartment and even life, pre-fire. I wish I was there now. To hear the noise from the city (ambulances or police cars mostly). I miss my annoying neighbor who would sometimes cook chitterlings and leave her door wide open - allowing the smell to creek up into my unit. I miss her asking me why dont I check on her more or how my cousin (who used to live with me) is doing. I miss the option of being able to take the bus (if I wanted to) or the subway for that matter, which is also close by. I miss all the spices that were in my kitchen cabinet, I miss my wine glasses and my rabbit wine bottle opener, I miss my down comforter and my electric mattress pad, I miss my bed and all 8 of my pillows (not including the 2 I gave away), I miss my closet full of black clothes and my other closet full of colored items, I juist miss it!

I feel somewhat displaced - Hell... I'm homeless

I refused to rent another apartment - so I guess I will have to wait until the end of the year for a house.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

It aint 4 in the morning

I dont know why - but I seem to always find myself listening to women sing about their problems is it a "woman thing"? (see previous blog)

I think being a writer (in a sense) - it latches me to their words and the way they choose to create their story through song. I have also been told that some of my peoms could be singable lyrics

Good Morning All:
It aint 4 i n the morning - but I tried to wake up early today. I had a 6:30am oil change I had to make. I know - I know, that's crazy going to get car services so early. But I think its fantastic that my car company offers it as early as 6am.What if I was trying to drive out of town and like some people who want to get their car checked or serviced before they leave, it could be a convenient thing - think about it some more.

What the heck is everyone doing now that its fall? Is it fall yet? and when does the time change?

The weather here is already cooling and its freaking great. Mostly because I think that clothes in the fall and winter months seem to be more stylish. In the summer you are basically advertising your body with short skirts, shorts, back-less or halter-top dresses, same thing for the shirts, swim suits and so on. Soon people are going to try walking around naked - at that point maybe we will all be de-sensitized to it.

Speaking of de-sensitizing. I think that most guys are getting that way towards women's dress. I mean we show so much (in the summer). I myself used to show a little leg, a little arm and yes at one time a little belly button. But that was then and this is now. Gotta grow up from hoochie-ness (not to say "I" dressed like a hoochie) but all that changes. I think I am now in my sophisticated stage where soft or creamy materials/fabrics complement the well-covered body. Im talking about dressing like a grown-azz-woman (LOL)

Anyhow, I seriously need a vacation. My friend Bobby mentioned Jamaica - been there done that. I dont care if it is a new and nice resort. I wanna get some use out of my passport before it expires next year.
I think thats amazing that I have a passport that will expire - which means Ive had mines for 8 years - verses some folks who are just starting to get them. I think the renewal process will be a lot easier than trying to get a new passport at this time.

Quick thought: Maybe I should drive to Mexico. Maybe I should see how easy it is to cross the boarder -lol

4 in the Morning

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What to do? What to say?

Oh wow
Where do I start?
Maybe I should just jot down random thoughts

Why are single people in a rush to get married?
Why are most married people I know having problems and considering divorce?
Why does this discourage me as a single person?
Why do most females dream about and plan out their wedding
But they dont plan to be married to a jerk who wont pick up his own socks or put the toliet seat down (LOL)

Why do people hear good advice - say that its good, but choose to ignore it
What makes us listen
Why does it take us so long to find ourselves

Why dont they call the 20's (meaning the age period) the awakening period

Why cant I figure out what I want to do with my hair?

Why do these developers keep building houses that no one's buying
Why dont they just try to work with the people/families who are down on their luck in their mortages and give them a break. It wont benefit any body to be out on the street or have to move into an apartment if they are kicked out of their homes because no one is buying anything right now

why is it such a BIG accomplishment to "own" a home
and why is so much pressure at the same time
What if I want to live in an apartment for the rest of my life and avoid having to cut the grass or pay someone to cut my grass via home owners fees

why do I love the color orange... and blue

why do I stay at work so late
why dont have have nothing or no one to go home to

Why do I think Im really going to miss my fish Pebbles - she was so pretty and different - she had a great personality

I wonder if this winter will be cold?

I wonder if I'll learn to relax or will I run around until Im exhausted (like my mother)

I wonder if I should call Astrin
I wonder if its really worth it to be upset with her

I wonder if I should go back to school
and if a Master's in Hospital Administration is what "I" really want to do

I wonder why the people that you want to say I Love You - dont
and then the people you dont want to say - do

Sometimes I look at couples and see how they size up
I wonder their story
I wonder how he - she looks when their are mad
how they solve problems
what's their biggest fear

I wonder why some people get mad at little things -
and how little things are the BIG things to them

I wonder why I keep craving chocolate chip cookies
Why I cant seem to drink enough water
and why I will keep reheating coffee - because I hate it when it gets cold

I wonder what people really think
and sometimes wish I was a mind reader

I wonder if Im making the right decision
and is it okay to let go now

Ode to The New AT&T aka "Dem Bastards"

First of all - Hello everyone, I know Ive been gone for sometime - but thank GOD for Blogs - I need to vent

For almost a year I have been the proud owner of a Cingular (or is it AT&T) 8125 Pocket PC - PDA cell phone.

As of today, I am on my 3rd phone. Why you might ask - well thats because those commerical where Cingular has actors comicially protray how "other" cell phone companies drop calls - they themselves - Drop calls...and they drop them like nobodies business. In fact, I was on the phone with my friend Tony who has Cingular/AT&T and both of us had full bars - yet the call dropped for no reason at all which leads me to my next frustration.

I cant even place a call on this phone - the screen keeps saying its dailing - but I dont hear the normal sound that a phone that is dailing makes. So the phone pretends to connect to the person I want to call - even to the point of saying its connected. Here I am saying - Hello... Hello... If you can hear me its my stupid phone and "dem bastards" are probably having a good laugh on me right now. I hang up - only to be able to actually make the same call I was trying to make MINUTES later.... What the Hell....

For those of you who arent familar with this phone - it slides open to show the "hidden" keyboard. This is one of my favorite features - only things is that the phone decides which position it wants to show me my information. If the phone is in the horizontal position it shows me things vertically and if its in the vertical position it shows me information horizontally. I am not the master of my domain (phone) - because only a hard reset (similar to a hard reboot of your computer) will save me from my agony.

Apparently, I need to make this a weekly ritual - I replace my phone on Thursday and by Saturday I was experiencing the same problems I turned my phone in for. Maybe someone played a trick on me in the waranty office - Maybe they removed all of my information and just gave me back my old phone -
My... That sure was funny. You got me - Games over. I dont wanna play with you anymore.

Is there a solution: this is the most interesting thing when you call a customer service line or in my case I spoke to customer service, the waranty department and tech support. All The kings horses and all the kings men - couldnt get the dang phone back together again.
So the rep is going through all the "protocol" because they are trained to NOT provide you with good service only to pretend that they are providing you with good service (part of me wants to take that back because I have come across some VERY helpful people) but since this isnt the case in this situation. I will tell you that I heard a whole bunch of Sorries and hold on let me ask my supervisor or let me ask a "senior" rep... HUH!
You arent fooling anybody
you are probably taking some extra bites of your sandwhich, going to the bathroom, a smoke break, ANYTHING but talking to your supervisor about what just happened - You know WHY - because the supervisor should have gotten on the phone - thats WHY - Blondie (Im assuming the girl was blonde).
So not only are they pretending, Im pretending to not care, not to be angry, and to believe in this fake supervisor story...
and its really - freaking ridiculous

What now!

The straw that breaks the camels back:

Lets summarize what just happened here.
Been with Cingular - The new AT&T for sometime now (Im talking years) - maybe its time for a change
I have a business account and 2 other accounts under mines
I purchased a phone that didnt work for me - not once, not twice, but three times
I was able to trade my phone in for a better phone (yes laugh)
they think they are doing me a favor by upgrading me
they think they are doing me a favor by running this idea to upgrade me by their fake supervisor while they finish their lunch

Okay here is the straw: I found out that I was paying for insurance on my phone - only to find out that the insurance doesnt cover PDA phones
My question to the rep - so why are you charging once a month
Ladies and Gentlemen - I received the dead silence treatment or maybe the call dropped after all it is The New AT&T with the fewest dropped calls

Okay I think Im done for now....