If GOD called you - would you recognize his number

Some how - my blogs became the evening news:
Venting out anger & negativity (especially towards men)- I forgot to highlight - all the good in the world - all the good I see in people - all the hope I feel - all the love Ive received, created & hope to create- the sun - the moon - the stars - loving everything thats beautiful - taking a step back to breathe - cause unlike some... I can breathe & eat on my own & walk and hear & see & do anything I put my mind to...

Some people are born a Jew or Muslim - I was born a Christian - though we lived in the ghetto - my mom had the neighborhood kids eagerly coming to our house for bible study & it was always full... people always wanted to come & people always thought our family was doin it, cause we had "stuff"- but also, shared a lot...

Being a Christian growing up - I didnt think much of it - going to church on Sunday's, revivals in the summer, bible study... whenever, going to choir practice with my mom - it was my lively hood & I was happy to be out of the house.
Now that Im an adult - my relationship with GOD - is an ever changing one.
I LOVE God - but like a disobedient child - I feel like I am constantly - disappointing GOD with my life... & its not just sex - to me its more than that - I feel that Im not maximizing my potential because I cant even see myself the way GOD sees me.
Among other things, I believe in Karma - which is also in the bible & common sense - that, what you give to others - you also receive.
I believe in fate - which is also in the bible - that GOD has a plan for our lives & though we may plan to be doctors... we cant seem to kill the urge to be a school teacher
& its funny that I say that - cause sometimes - our calling & our source of revenue (making it big) - is not always in the most obvious money making scheme...(this is one of the reasons why I dont do - the Lotto/Powerball/Megaball...whatever)

Now adays - there are so many people getting into real estate - about 8 years ago - it was tech-stocks... Not to say that real estate isnt a good investment - but one thing I belive GOD wants us to do is be different & take risks...
Im struggling with that - Ive been struggling with that... & have no idea what Im scare of.

Ok - this is not a sermon - cause...who am I to preach - I drink a glass a wine everyday (faithfully) - I occassional swear - Ive lied to get more money on taxes - Ive smoked a joint in my day (yes... I enhaled), Im a recovered night club junky - Im a frequent fornicator... and anything else that makes me not perfect...

Its funny - I thought of the title in the middle of writing this (because I really didnt have that much to say - today - or atleast I thought)... But I wrote a poem about a year ago & read it at Bar Nun... lets see - I remember one part of the poem going like this:

I feel like Ive been called -
but I wont pick up the phone
because the caller i.d.
reads -
private number - unavailable - out of the area

p.s. are you screening your calls?

Love - in first person

One of the many things - you told me thats true (Sandy) is that niggas weed theirselves out...
I remember last summer - I dated a couple of guys - and according to an old friend of mines (male) - he said - Ive always been anti-relationship & thats just not true...
There are times when I want to be free & there are times when I want to be - up underneathe someone - rubbing their back or having them rub mines - we will cuddle (spoon) - enjoying the evening or the day... with each others company.

Last summer - I dated a lot -
because most of the guys I met were full of it! -
Denying that they were in a relationship - when they really were -
Not denying that - they were in a relationship - but still trying to make something happen
Denying that they had a job - when they were out job hunting -
Trying to impress me - only letting me down - with their lies
Not having enough time for me - Being too busy for me -
and in some cases I was too busy for them -
Wanting only my physical attributes -
Not really listening to what Im saying or feeling
Testing their motives - I asked them for more... More wasnt an option
& the classic - it was summer - so wasnt everybody - just trying to holla at anybody...
So in essence, those who weeded themselves out - gave me all the information I needed to know to leave them alone...
& to myself - I learned that leaving them alone - saved me from possibly compromising my beliefs & dealing with their selffishness -
I left the door open for me to find someone, who will love me for me

This email is dedicated to a couple of people... but off of the top of my head - I dedicate it to Kyle - cause I know - I will never speak to you again... But thank you for closing the door - so that I would never come in again... (It was nothing in that room - anyway)

p.s. Oprah Winfrey said (per Maya Angelou) - When people show you who they are - believe them

Remember when I told you - you were special - thats means your special

First thing I didnt understand is:
WHY is the game... twisted?
WHY is there a game?
WHY do people play games?
WHY do some of us play it better than others?
WHY do they know all the secrets?

WHY cant anyone be real?
anymore...

I've said in a previous blog - that I am the way I am - because of NIGGAS & the games they play...
but still I keep it moving - cause Im a sucker for love
we go back

Anyhow - I was on eviplist.com - the other day & I saw that Antwain Fisher (just kidding) Antwain Jamison - aka Mario's big brother - has taken a picture with a bonified HOE - or as Smurf says - "she is comcast on demand (HOE)"
& this is cool - mind you the HOE- was very lightskinn -sorrie no offense Sandy - but she's not you - she's a lightskinn or maybe even worst - WHITE hoe - preying on this nigga... & this is cool enough to take a picture & post it on a website...

OK - Lets go back to the show Joe Millionare - anyone & everyone that watched that show - could clearly see that those white- gurls -were more opportunist - than any black girl could ever be - Cause while our mother's were teaching us - how to be strong, independent Black women - their mothers were teaching them - how to get a nigga (or any man rather - with money)...
Someone needs to write a book (maybe me) - instead of Rich Dad - Poor Dad.... Let's try White Mom - Black Mom..

Since I have to say it - Black men
No one is gonna know you- understand you & support your struggles - like a BLACK WOMAN
& I know we have a lot of mouth on us - & you like the white girls - because the shut up (maybe when you ask them too) - but no one has your back like us... remember that -

p.s. On the remix to one of Tweet's songs - 50 Cent said... Remember when I told you - you were special - that means your special - I said your special
p.s.s. & there is probably more to this - that Im not saying - but I'll let the comment column - do the rest

Incomplete thoughts - Part II

too much time watching sex in the city
the whole time
not realizing its about the sex

not realizin that you canNOT care - but still get hurt by your own game
not realizin - that sometimes believing in love is insane

too much time being Carrie
not enough time being me

too much time take notes
never looking up to see

p.s. Smurf the same thing - plus - why dont people know how to make Roman Numerials... & yet claim they're good at MS Word - it beats me

Incomplete thoughts about love

Love is a pill - I take without water
I swallow hard
hope not to choke
I touch my throat...
hoping it will go down easy
then I breathe
1 & to the 2 -
2 & to the 3
3 & to the 4
then you gotta...
Breathe...
cause keeping it all together - is the only thing I
need
to do
who's to say
Love wont play a game
with you
who knows how to play this
"game"
better
one day - at a time
we're slowly...
Keeping it together

p.s. Smurf I wrote this before I read your blog - so thanks...

Untitled

As much as I try to deny it - I am very perceptive... I can sense things that Im too busy trying to intrepret - instead of reading them for what they are...
I often ask questions (or ask advice) when I already know the answer...
I think I ask the question... just hoping to be wrong
I've tried doing things:
"the other way"
"your way"
or "by the book"
but in the end - my way works for me
My weakness - has always been under-estimating people... thinking or maybe hoping that they will have good intentions towards me.
My weakness has always been - loving people -the way I want them to love me...
My weakness has always been - LOVE

p.s. "A bomb will kill you instantly - love... love will make you wish you were dead" - Black Girl in Paris

In the meantime...

Nia has been trying to get me to be more computer literate - but my brain wont function so in the meantime - here are some Other blogs I enjoy reading:
http://shiminege.blogspot.com/ (has a lot of cute pics of me & thanks for changing the song)
http://www.astrin.blogspot.com/ (Writing style unique)
http://qdrae.blogspot.com/ (a met him.. once)

special edition - cuz i was feeling sentimental

MY HOUSE... By Nikki Giovanni

i only want to
be there to kiss you
as you want to be kissed
when you need to be kissed
where i want to kiss you
cause it's my house
and i plan to live in it

i really need to hug you
when i want to hug you
as you like to hug me
does this sound like a silly poem

i mean its my house
and i want to fry pork chops (turkey chops - i prefer)
and bake sweet potatoes
and call them yams
cause i run the kitchen
and i can stand the heat

i spent all winter in
carpet stores gathering
patches so i could make
a quilt
does this really sound
like a silly poem

i mean i want to keep you
warm

and my windows might be dirty
but its my house
and if i cant see out sometimes
they cant see in either

english isnt a good language
to express emotion through
mostly i imagine because people
try to speak english instead
of trying to speak through it
i dont know maybe it is
a silly poem

i'm saying it's my house
and i'll make fudge and call
it love and touch my lips
to the chocolate warmth
and smile at old men and call
it revolution cause what's real
is really real
and i still like men in tight
pants cause everybody has some
thing to give and more
important need something to take

and this is my house and you make me happy
so this is your poem

...Sorry I had to highlight the most meaningful parts

p.s. Thank You's (sorrie - this is not for everyone - right now)

Thank you God for making it all happen (as i accept this award for being the most imperfect person - I know... but just like in Bridget Jones Diary - you love me for who I am)
Thank you Mom for being the vessel that God sends his love through - and you just dont know how much I listen to you..
Thank you Nikki Giovanni - for saying it - like I wish I could say it - sometimes - so that I can tell these folks - what I mean - is not how I mean..... it. Im no longer speaking in English - ( you can even pronouce my name "Laseandia" using correct English)
Thank you Lewis - for making me grow- up (I know.... & you do sooooooooo much more)
Thank you Daddy, Greg & Joy - for helping me move in this weekend -
Dad - you have almost never did anything when - I wanted you to do it - but I appreciate you being in my life, even when I want to hate you for not being in my life... its what I deal with - for you neglecting me - but thank you
Greg - Thank you for being my BIG brother - overly protective of your little sister - but Im not that little... remember that & I will learn to thank you more - when you learn to respect me as an adult
Joy - you've been more than a "mom" - than mom sometimes - especially when you use to smack me & I guess thats why - I sometimes want to smack Kayla... anyhow thanks for kidnapping me on your birthday - about 3 years ago - when I think back - it was crazy - me trying to jump out the car - but it was love & now its funny as hell..
Thank you Sandy - for your friendship & the potential furniture you might give me -LMAO!!! - but mainly for your friendship & positivity - no matter how the story began - we have a fairytale ending
Thank you Nanita, Nia, Nanny, Shiminege - & dont be mad that I put you under or after anyone - this isnt an order thing - (your such a LEO..& here's to you (& us)
http://cranberriesfans.com/lyrics/ttfd/therebels.htm
Thank you Sabrina - cause as long as I've know you - you have held this relationship together - I give you the ALL the recognition for calling me - even when I dont call you (back) - you're a wonderful person & I want nothing but the best from you (Pisces are loyal)
Thank you Joncie - for praying with me every morning - for pushing me to go to church - for helping me to understand - where I need to be - we started off in the church - having fun on Friday's... now we're older (another Pisces)
Thank you Smurf - for letting me boss you around - atleast that's what I thought I was doing... but really we were holding each other's hand & now - I had to let your hand go... its more difficult for me - than it was for you - but if Carrie can do it than I can too!!
Thank you Bah - for knowing me, for being the only person who said to me - "are you scared to live by yourself" - you amaze me, with your observations & though I havent seen you in a while - I still crave cheesecake...
Lastly Thank You Marcus or as Smurf calls you cuzio, I think I like that name - you have given me nothing but the truth... & I realize that we are soooo much alike - & if I say too much people will know our secrets & you are right about the game - I wish you wastn sometimes & maybe thats why you think Im soooo hardheaded - I just didnt want it to be true

p.s.s Like I said - its not for everyone (today) - doesnt mean I dont appreciate you

Its not safe to go outside...

Its not safe to go outside anymore- because its more than just crackheads on the street -
there are people who have no regard for your feelings & who are worst than the crackhead - who... only wants money to harm his or herself - they wont harm you - in fact the marvel at you - because "they" used to be you..

Its not safe to go outside anymore - because according to the news - its nothing but bad things happening in the world - & hey ... you may not be safe in your own house - you're better off just being scared of everything...

Its not safe to go outside anymore - because too often you're alone- and the only thing you have to protect you is - YOU & GOD & maybe you can constantly look over your shoulder & maybe you can spray a can of mace & maybe a gun if you can use it - but then - you run into someone - who is trying to protect theirself from you...

p.s. You can take anything you want- but dont take my heart - cause once its gone - Im empty...
http://cranberriesfans.com/lyrics/nnta/empty.htm

Use your heart & not your eyes

I've been blessed with a lot of positive people in my life. I've also been blessed with the ability to make long-lasting friendships... which I am realizing that it is not as easy for everyone to do. Everyone goes through a transitional period in their life and in most cases - the people that are in your life today - may not be there tomorrow... but before you get upset about it - think about why they were there - in the first place.

I read a book about 2 years ago "If life is a game - then these are the rules" - I think I was searching for a message that will help me to understand - my purpose and thus - Im still searching...
Anyhow - I did learn that what I may go though is my own individual lesson in life - that may not be shared with the next person. I know that the way I look at things - may seem weird to most people. What I get upset about - someone else may laugh at. Even when I over-explain what Im thinking - how I feel - I still sometimes feel misunderstood.

I've always been a writer - when I was young I use to write songs and short stories. In high school - Ryane' & Nanita would laugh at me - for writing them a 4 page (double sided) letter when I was suppose to be listening in class... (but I was). In college, I expressed myself through poetry and always found that my words transformed always allowed people to feel me... Now, Im looking at an obvious talent that I do have & asking myself - "So what are you going to do about it?"

Taking the next step - I realize I need more... and I havent been able to finish this statement - because I dont know myself what "more" is.

P.S. I've been wondering - how do you go from one day being an average American - day-to-day NOT following your heart & just... one day deciede to follow your heart.

You have until Saturday afternoon

As of Friday, April 22, 2005 - I will be a Washingtionan again! - Im leaving behind my 3-bedroom apartment, washier and dryer, fireplace, voltic ceilings, private bathroom, gated plush community, fitness center and a really cool roommate - to be a city girl again. (Oh I forgot to mention I leaving behind a very expensive rent too)

There isnt much to descibe about my new place (yet) - It has a lot of potential. I like the area (Capitol Hill - but let my father tell it - he said its Lincoln Park). I will probably have an open house soon after I moved in - I meant to do that when I was living in Herndon but I didnt think anyone really wanted to drive out to my house (other than Sandy and Sabrina, my family, my neighbor D.M. & a few guys I've dated...)

Let me take a moment to vent: Among the people who were unable to make it out to my place in the YEAR that I lived there, my dad - who drives to Dulles Airport - at the least every other week - never came to my place... maybe he will make it up to me - by helping me move out & then he can finally see it. Anyone else who wants to see my place... you have today - through Saturday afternoon.

p.s. I was thinking about getting a pet... thats all - still thinking

Why? (Jada Kiss - Kiss my grits)

Why wont oil and water mix ?
Why are Middle Eastern's considered white in this country?
Why does it take so long to get your hair done at a black salon?
Why dont they teach time management in Cosmotology school?
Why do people send you a "forward" of something positive - then tell you to forward it to 10 other people for it to work?
Why did they stop making Sex & the City episodes?
Why does it take 3 years to make another Saprano's season?
Why does every club in D.C. let just about anybody in their V.I.P rooms?
Why do I keep getting evites from MadPowerUnit?
Why dont they take me off their email list - since I cant get into they're parties anyway?
Why do men gossip more than women?
Why are relationships overrated?
Why is there so much anticpation before sex?
Why are more and more women - turning to women for love?
Why does the L Word - stand for Lesbian - when it used to stand for LOVE?
Why dont we take more risk - in life?
Why do the poor stay poor - and the rich, get richer?
Why are poor people considered to be happier?
Why are white women walking around with black girl booties?
Why am I really hating on that?
Why do I believe in God?
Why wouldnt I?

p.s. I still have more questions

Dear God: I wish I was a bird - so that I can fly far... far - far away.

I really didnt have time to do this blog today (I guess thats what happens when you miss work)
Too bad, I had a lot of good topics that I wanted to discuss...
Which reminds me - I need a dang computer at home - Im tired of only communicating with people at work...

Anywho (yeah.. Ryane' I stole that from you)

Look Girlie - or do you want me to say your name Smurf - Yeah, no one on my side would know that but me...
You my dear will be Never out of mind - Never out of sight...
Yeah - Im famous for never saying never. (but I feel strongly about this)
But if this was the episode of..........yes - Sex & the City - when the girls went to "The Hamptons" & I got soooooo drunk from hanging out with a young guy - I know you would hold my hair back so that I could throw - up & vice versa - if you got sick from drinking too much cranberry juice
& yes - i live my life through (some) of the tv shows (& movies) I watch - & thats why I dont like watching tv - that much - its addictive... & somewhat evil

anyhow - just wanted you to know - your loved.... & most importantly - your a friend not an associate (since 3/19/2004)
p.s. Happy Birthday to you - April 21, 2005!!!!!!!!!!!!
& yes... Easter was early this year

Alanis Morrisette

All I Really Want
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

p.s. the rest of the song:http://www.alanismorissette.com/music/jaggedlittlepill.html#allireallywant

When I look at the future....

"When I look at the future - its so bright - It burns my eyes" Oprah Winfrey

I read this quote in an African-American (aka Black folks) quotation book - I brought years ago & its nothing but the truth.

Nothing - but good things - can happen to me - especially when I expect nothing but the best.
I think at times - my expectancy of things - of people - was always - at half mass. I didnt want much or maybe I didnt know what I wanted - so I didnt ask for much.
Average will do...
is how I carried it.
But actually - when we ask - for more: (in love, in life) - we have to be willing to give more.

My Positive Rules - for seeking more in people - in my life right now:
1. Speak things in your life - so that you can prosper, be peaceful, be balanced, be happy
2. See the beauty - in things - everyday
3. Love every aspect about yourself
4. Pray about everything
5. Give - everything to God & dont worry about nothing
6. Treat yourself to flowers (pampering)
7. Say Thank You - more
8. What you give to others - give to yourself
9. Dont look at whats going on now... this to shall pass
10. Huss now... dont complain - "billie holiday"
11. If it hurts me - to help you - I cant do it!
12. Leave people alone - who play games!
13. Close your ears to society - Open your heart to God
14. Take the long way home
15. Pay it forward

Im sure - I'll have others -

Society is a Bee(fill in the blanks)

I was talking to Joncie yesterday - well I practically talk to her everyday now... & it funny - because I go through fazes with my friends - sometimes we talk for hours, days, months & then - Im not available, - Im sorry if it offends you - but its no harm - meant. Sometimes - Im spreading myself - to thin between family and friends - I need to take time for me...

O.k. - I got off the subject.

Society is a bee
Society is a big Black - bumble bee that i keep swating
Society is always telling me...
What I need to do
What I need to wear
Spring colors
Fall colors

How I can tell if my man is cheating on me
How I can tell if my man is in love with me
How I can tell if the people at my job hate me

When & how to ask for a raise
When & how to look for a new job

What's exceptable
& what's not

The best places to visit
The worst places to visit

I wish that society would... (in the words of Samatha from Sex in the City - Season 6 - Volume 1)
shut the fuck up!
excuse my french
& see thats another society saying
its English
Im cursing in English

we pay - way.......... too much attention to society's expectations
and then we are stressed when - we dont have that new Benz - that million-dollar house
Enuf - already!!!!!

p.s. - society - is a booty call in the middle of the night on a Tuesday - & you gotta get up & go to work by 6:30am - (put your phone on silent)

Sometimes life is about - making a rule & breaking it...

Subject: Buying Flowers for yourself.

I splurged and brought some flowers for myself yesterday -
Why not?
Why wait... for a birthday - Valentine's Day - or an aniversary....

I have a problem with most guys (not all) - that "try" to hold the argument that - they dont - or wont - buy flowers because... "flowers die, anyway" - But, have you taken into account the fact that the moment - never dies... The moment - when the lady you are dating or your wife - receives the flowers from you... no matter what kind of flowers they are, its always... beautiful.

If I may go there - some guys - pride themselves in other areas - particually, sexual...
Its at that time - do you hear a string of... "I can go for hours, I like to eat-in, I'm a pleaser... ect. & ect."

ok

so - If its THAT serious... let us try to appeal to women in a different way - one that doesnt not require a performance - because - Im not really sure if - a guy - wants to always - go that hour - plus ...

but he'll do it - for the sake of - making her - happy sexually...
and............
he'll do it - to prove a point (that he can or could do it)

Prove this point - that your not only sensitive to your woman sexually - but mentally as well...
step out side your box
do something different
do something - you said you wouldnt do
or worst NEVER do

- Sometimes life is about - making rules & breaking them..

and ladies - dont be afraid to pamper - yourself -
I know too many ladies - who spend money to pamper themselves in some areas(nails, hair, waxing, facials - the works)... and this is not a bad thing!

but you wont buy the $7.99 bunch of flowers in the grocery store
- because you feel a man should do it
I urge you to step out your box - as well

Make your surroundings beautiful -
Make your surroundings peaceful
and balanced

p.s. Its just the simple things - that makes life worth living... enjoy!
p.s.s. - Ladies - men enjoy flowers too

Searching...

I need to find a place to stay..... SOON

I need to know what's going on with my job situation... SOON

I need to know I'm moving in the right direction of life...SOON

I need to know - what's the average 25 year old accomplishing....SOON

I need God - Everyday

I needed to start praying - Everyday

I need to be happy - Everyday

Even when things seem, trying - Everyday

I need to know - am I focusing on all the wrong things... - SOON

I'm searching for answers - Everyday - I find questions

Weird things happen - I cant explain

This is what is happening in my world:

Ive been working at the Dept. of Transportation - National Training Center for about 2 weeks now- I was suppose to start as a Training Support Analyst - I JUST found out yesterday that the new girl who came in the same time as me - is working in that position - although - it seems like she is more like a buget analyst... but anyhow... so I was - what I thought - belittled - to a receptionist - office coordinator position - the girl who was working this position - left.... The entire time - Im thinking - "it doesnt matter" because if the situation is not ideal by the time my leave is up from the airline Im going back... after all - that is my "real" job & this is only temporary.

On Wednesday of this week I attended a meeting - which was a formal introduction into the company - 10 mins after the meeting - I was told - it was my last day because of an contractual issue - right before I left - I was told to come back -

On Wednesday evening a federal agent's contract expired - I spent all day yesterday training a girl to take over my position... another meeting was held - explaining that the new girl would take over my old temp position as the receptionist/office coordinator & I would take on a Training support role... I wasnt told anything else - until I finally asked one of the director's whats going on... She didnt know why they hadnt said anything to me yet - but when 2 of the director's found out it was (supposely) my last day on Wednesday - they were upset - told the contract supervisor that I was the first one to come into that position & take some initiative & they basically created a position for me & now they are trying to negoiate the money...

I've been praying really hard - about a lot of things & what I keep coming up with is that God - is able to do more than what Im asking him to do... I still dont understand everything right now - but Im not worried - cause either way - I have a job as a flight attendant & I can continue working that until I find the job I want - but if & when this job approaches me with the right salary proposal - I'll say YES & know that I was almost let go... for no reason - only to be asked to stay on Full-time

p.s. It seems like when God is involved - weird things happen & the only way to explain it - is to say God did it...

Cell phones in D.C

Ok... So I know I'm suppose to be writing everyday - but its hard.
I have sooo much to say - its like - where do I begin...

I would like to share with you, part of a conversation that I had with my friend Baheej the other day(aka Bah - aka B.S.)

Driving in DC you need an ear piece to talk on your cell phone or its something like a $50 ticket... I thinking that out of all the laws that DC has regarding driving regualtions - this seems to be the only one that people are really taking seriously....

Countless times I have been on the phone talking to friends or family - only to get cut off by the infamous words - "I had to put my phone down cause I dont have an ear piece..."

Ok - Buy One! - (that's my first response - mind you - I'm only thinking this - to say it out loud - would be too...... logicial) It cost like $30.00 for an ear piece - so make a decision - if you want to be on the look-out for the police - whenever your driving in D.C.

2nd response - even though I said - Buy One, first. I know that the quality of most ear pieces - suck... I find myself - talking louder than I normally do - constantly asking people if they can hear me & my favorite - getting annoyed - whenever my phone rings - because the ring volume rings so loud in my ear and then......... Im double checking the cord to make sure that its in all the way...taking my eyes away from driving - which is what I need to be doing.

As much as talking on the cell phone is a distraction - while driving - its seems to be necessary...

I could go - on & on about this - but I need to finish doing my work (see distractions are everywhere)

What the world needs now - is love sweet love

Take a moment today and pray for someone - other than yourself...

"We are Blessed - to be a Blessing"

Players only love you when your playing

I thought about this while driving today - listening to the radio they were playing a game - name that song - or something like that & the title - just stuck out....

"Players only love you when your playing"... yes I believe its true & so I go back to my thoughts of - why acting the opposite of how you feel - guarantees you the response you werent suppose to get...
Its funny...me & my roommate read this book this summer called - "Why Men Love Bitches" - this statement is true too - along with all the information that book said to do - but I just wanna be myself - Like - Love & Dislike someone - for my own reason - not because .... I'm playing a game - but it always goes back to that & so... someone is always trying to jump my queen on the checker board.

I look at love & I see colors
but then I see gray
everything gets all mixed up & I
dont see anything - anymore

They say love is blind
but then you find
it
in the most amazing places
people
& it leaves traces
people try to figure out
the patterns
to discover - how to came to be

I look at love
& my eyes get blurry

p.s. Stop playing games